Non-food

2012 – 1968 = 1

They say that everyone grieves differently and that you can’t put a number on mourning.  Well, I can.  I know first hand that 43 days is not enough time to get over the loss of a loved one.  And I also know that 43 years was not enough time to spend with them.

My last photo with my mother.Today I turn 44 but it feels like the first birthday I’ve ever had.  I’m convinced that it will be the worst birthday of my life.  That’s because 43 days ago cancer took my mother.

The nerves are too raw, the lymbic system still in disarray.  I’m certainly not ready to face my first birthday without the woman who gave birth to me, 43 days is just not enough time.  The weight of that heartache is nearly overwhelming.  I would gladly trade places with Atlas right now, clearly the weight of the world is a feather compared to this.

But I know that it doesn’t matter if it’s 43 days or 4300 I’ll never be more ready for this day than I am now.  Part of me has been trying to figure out how to avoid having this birthday altogether but that isn’t possible.  I can’t avoid the year of firsts – the first birthday, the first Thanksgiving, her birthday, the list goes on.  All of the milestones that used to mark togetherness and family will, at least for a year, mark sadness and loss.

Lonely sonSo how will I cope?  I’ll go to work and do my job.  When I come home I’ll check my e-mail and watch TV.  I’ll do what I always do.  At some point this week I’ll go visit her grave.  Of course I’ve been saying that for two weeks now.

This weekend I’ll go to my childhood home and share a birthday party with my soon-to-be 12 year old nephew.  If the last year has taught me anything it’s that watching your family pass is made easier when you can see their love in those who remain, especially the children.  I see my mother’s love every time I see my nieces and nephew.  And it makes me smile.

Heaven Has a New Angel

In the eight years of Wannabe TV Chef this is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever written.  Ever.

When I read the posts on the blogs of some of my favorite food writers, many of whom are good friends, I am struck by how much of their personal lives they put into writing.  I, by design, have never done a lot of that.  Perhaps it is a male thing, perhaps it is humility.  I don’t know.

But this must be written.

With few exceptions everyone loves their mother.  They think she is the greatest woman who ever lived.  I am no exception.  I am not alone in admiring my mother.  Everyone, and I mean everyone who has ever met her has admired and loved her.

Like most boys my father has always been my hero.  It just so happens that my father/hero is also a genuine hero, a professional hero if you will.  In four years with the Air Force and 36 years as a deputy sheriff he did things that saved lives and helped those in need.

In 1991 I made the decision to drop everything and move to Nashville to try my hand at the music business.  My mother told me once that she thought that was the bravest thing she’d ever seen anyone do.  Through the music years, the writing years, the chef years and even the wannabe TV chef thing my mother has rooted for me.  My mother has always been my biggest fan.

My last photo with my mother.As I write this my mother is lying in a hospital.  The end is inevitable it’s just a question of when.  It could be days; it could weeks; it could be hours.  Every time the Droid chirps my heart breaks a little more.  I’ve already lost track of how many times I’ve had to pause to cry just writing this post.

You want to know what uncomfortable looks like?  Picture a 300 pound Southern man sobbing like a baby.  That’s my life the last 48 hours.

In my 2010 cookbook Third Coast Cuisine I included my mother’s biscuit recipe.  Her biscuits were always so perfect for digging through gravy as they had a crunchy crust but a soft inside – I call them Soppin’ Biscuits.  I would feel morose asking you to buy the book to try them so I will include the recipe below for free.

So yes, my heart is shattered but I can’t complain.  This is as good as losing a loved one ever gets.  My mother turned 78 in November, celebrated her 57th wedding anniversary just last week.  She and my father loved and raised four children, two grand children and two great grand children.  She’s earned her rest.

Still it hurts so much.  As I left the hospital tonight it dawned on me that it was the same building that she had brought me into the world.  My life started in that building and her life ends there.  Man, that sucks.  Everything about this sucks.

Tonight we said our goodbyes.  Many people don’t get that chance.  We need look no further in the food writing world than everyone’s dear friend Jennifer Perillo who suddenly and tragically lost the love of her life this past fall.  Jennifer and Mikey’s story wasn’t done yet but life is like that sometimes.

So as I sit here, my heart breaking more with each new tick of the clock, I feel selfish for feeling this sad.  I’ve had it good.  Embarrassingly good.  I know that my mother is going to be with our Lord and Savior.  I was never raised to be a judgmental Christian, an in your face Christian.  I was raised to be Christ-like.  To love everyone and to care about them without judging.

My mother deserves a tribute but it’s not her nature to want one.  So I will do what I know she would want.  My mother never heard of Jennifer and Mikey but if she had she would want to help Jenny and her girls.  So please visit Bloggers Without Borders to contribute to A Fund for Jennie.

Tonight I got to tell my mother goodbye.  I got to tell her that I love her; that I’ve always loved her.  I was able to tell her how much she has meant to me.  I told her that I was happy for her.  She gets to go be with her father and with Jesus.  She told me that she is going to be an angel.

I told her that she has always been one.

Shirley’s Soppin’ Biscuits
Recipe Type: Side
Author: My mom
Prep time: 10 mins
Cook time: 20 mins
Total time: 30 mins
Serves: 8
Ingredients
  • 3 cups self-rising flour
  • 3/4 cup buttermilk
  • 1 cup lard or shortening
  • 1/4 cup butter, melted
  • 1 teaspoon salt (optional)
Instructions
  1. Preheat an oven to 450° F.
  2. In a large bowl sift the flour with salt (if using) then make a well in the center.
  3. Add the lard and mix until you have pea sized crumbles in the dough.
  4. Then fold in the buttermilk and knead until a large dough ball forms, no more than 30 seconds*.
  5. The dough should be soft and pliable but not sticky. Discard any remaining flour in the bowl.
  6. Separate the dough ball into 1” to 1½” balls and then flatten to form patties.
  7. Place the patties in a backing pan or iron skillet, brush tops with melted butter and bake for 20 minutes or until browned.
Notes

* Over kneading biscuit dough releases excess gluten from the flour and will make the biscuits tough to chew.

eokul veli bilgilendirme sistemi

From the archives.  This was first published last year and it remains one of the most popular things I’ve ever written.  My friends think it is a hoot.

e-okul veli bilgilendirme sistemi

e okul e okul veli bilgilendirme sistemiThat doesn’t make a lick of since does it?  Like it’s some made up language or something.  Well, a year ago or so I started getting a lot of traffic to the site searching for that very phrase or any one of a half dozen variations.  Damned if I knew what it meant.

Daha burada bu siteyi t?klay?n hakk?nda daha fazla.

I hopped over to BabelFish and tried to translate e okul veli bilgilendirme sistemi.  I thought with all of those vowels at the end of the words it’s got to be a romance language so I went for Italian.  It wasn’t Italian.  It wasn’t Spanish, French or Portuguese either.  On a whim I tried both Russian and German to no avail.  Eventually, it could have been minutes or months, I stumbled over a page that translated it for me from Turkish.

Bakar m?s?n?z?

AWCbanner e okul veli bilgilendirme sistemi
Kalite siber varl??? ihtiyac?n?z var?

Apparently it means e-school parent information system.  I know, that’s not a helluva lot of help is it?  But to the people of Turkey it means something.  My guess is that one of my 600+ posts had one paragraph that had all of those words in it.  And then somewhere down the line it got translated into Turkish.

9999 e okul veli bilgilendirme sistemi

Well, to my Turkish guests I’d like to say benim g?da sitesi Türk halk?na ho? geldiniz. Google Reklamlar? t?klay?n?zBenim yemek kitaplar? sat?n al?n.  Ben Joe Biden, Lindsay Lohan ve Kardashian için özür dilerim ama ben Justin Bieber için suçu reddediyorum. O Kanada’n?n hatam.  Auburn Tigers bir numara var!  Thanks to Google Translator for the assist.

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Stuart in 80 Words or Less

Stuart is a celebrity chef, food activist and award-winning food writer. He penned the cookbooks Third Coast Cuisine: Recipes of the Gulf of Mexico, No Sides Needed: 34 Recipes To Simplify Life and Amigeauxs - Mexican/Creole Fusion Cuisine. He hosts two Internet cooking shows "Everyday Gourmet" and "Little Grill Big Flavor." His recipes have been featured in Current, Lagniappe, Southern Tailgater, The Kitchen Hotline and on the Cooking Channel.

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Stuart’s Honors & Awards

2015 1st Place Luck of the Irish Cook-off
2015 4th Place Downtown Cajun Cook-off
2015 2nd Place Fins' Wings & Chili Cook-off
2014 2015 4th Place LA Gumbo Cook-off
2012 Taste Award nominee for best chef (web)
2012 Finalist in the Safeway Next Chef Contest
2011 Taste Award Nominee for Little Grill Big Flavor
2011, 12 Member: Council of Media Tastemakers
2011 Judge: 29th Chef's of the Coast Cook-off
2011 Judge: Dauphin Island Wing Cook-off
2011 Cooking Channel Perfect 3 Recipe Finalist
2011 Judge: Dauphin Island Gumbo Cook-off
2011 Culinary Hall of Fame Member
2010 Tasty Awards Judge
2010 Judge: Bayou La Batre Gumbo Cook-off
2010 Gourmand World Cookbook Award Nominee
2010 Chef2Chef Top 10 Best Food Blogs
2010 Denay's Top 10 Best Food Blogs
2009 2nd Place Bay Area Food Bank Chef Challenge
2008 Tava: Discovery Contest Runner-up

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