ToFurkey Is ToFunky
Tofu is not natural. It is a processed food, a highly processed food as a matter of fact. ToFurkey is tofu that is processed over and over and over again. Then it’s processed some more.
Now if you’ll recall I have already exposed to the world that everyone who says they like tofu is lying through their teeth. No person in the history of mankind, from the wheel to the moon has ever actually liked tofu. There is no universe where tofu is appetizing. Those who eat it do so because of peer pressure, insanity or some combination of the two.
Psychologists estimate that 1 person in 10 is completely incapable of recognizing sarcasm. So for those of you in that 10% I’ll take this opportunity to point out that the previous paragraph was a stellar example of sarcastic hyperbolism. It is my favorite way to make a point because, well, it amuses me.
That, by the way, was an example of narcissism.
So back to tofu being a nasty, highly processed food. Most people do not like it’s texture because, well, it’s nasty. In all honesty it is hard to find any fault with its taste because it doesn’t have any. Tofu is like eating Styrofoam, only a less appetizing Styrofoam.
Amy’s, a veg-friendly processed food company probably makes some of the most wholesome mass-produced foods on the market and they process their soy beans nine different ways in order to produce a batch of tofu. You can watch their process HERE. I have a lot of respect for Amy’s but even they get a few things wrong.
In their video they state that they only use organic soy beans which means they are not genetically modified. Genetic modification does not disqualify something from being organic. It should, but it doesn’t. I guess that’s the result of having a President that’s in the pocket of agri-business lobbyists. Or more accurately, four Presidents in a row.
So if Amy’s, a company committed to natural, wholesome food, processes soy beans nine times to make tofu can you imagine how many times less scrupulous companies do it?
Now that you know that tofu is a highly processed food dig this. Recently the History Channel did a segment about how ToFurkey is made. It starts with tofu (which is processed at least nine times) and processes it even more adding tons (literally) of additives and chemicals. You college kids may want to try the Processed Foods Drinking Game – just grab a bottle of Jack and take a swig for each new process. But be forewarned, you may not be around for the end of this video. Check it out and then read on:
After watching that, the pink goo McDonald’s uses to make their McNuggets doesn’t seem quite as gross. An interesting note is that the narrator actually referred to ToFurkey as healthy.
There is an important distinction to make here and it is probably the closest you’ll come to an actual point in this ramble of a post. Thanks to Weight Watcher’s, Jenny Craig, et al along with Hollywood and print media we have confused low-fat/low-calorie with healthy. Low-fat/low-calorie is not pseudonymous with healthy.
Cyanide is low-fat/low-calorie.
Sarin Gas is low-fat/low-calorie.
Weapons-grade Plutonium is low-fat/low-calorie.
E-coli is low-fat/low-calorie.
Herpes is low-fat/low-calorie.
Get it? Low-fat/low-calorie is not the same as healthy. Coconut oil is very high in fat and very high in calories but it is healthier than extra virgin olive oil, canola oil, butter and it is damned sure better for you than margarine. Both the medium chain fatty acids and the calories in coconut oil will ramp up your metabolism helping your body to burn fat cells better than just about anything out there. Coconut oil is a classic example of high-fat/high-calorie being healthy. ToFurkey conversely is a classic example of low-fat/low-calorie being unhealthy. Plus, it just doesn’t taste very good.
So before you start spouting off about how healthy or ethical tofu is I invite you to go ToFurk yourself. We ain’t inner-stead, thank ya.
President’s Day – a Celebration of Beer
Most Americans are aware that founding father Samuel Adams was a brewer. In fact his brewery is still going strong today. But many don’t know that most of America’s early Presidents were craft brewers including George Washington and Thomas Jefferson.
The entire tapestry of Colonial America and the revolution it spawned was woven in beer halls. Virtually every important event in American history leading up to the signing of the Declaration of Independence took place in a pub. Let’s face it, to pick a fight with the most powerful and vicious empire in the world requires the kind of courage that only comes from a bottle.
In the early days of New World colonization New England winters were too cold and too lengthy to grow the grapes necessary for wine making and we had yet to discover the rich volcanic soil and perfect climate of Napa Valley. Additionally the area was settled mainly by the beer drinking English and Netherlanders who brought their centuries old brewing techniques with them.
Fermented drinks have served a crucial part of mankind’s evolution. It is no overstatement that without the invention of fermentation humans may not be here. After all, water has only been a dependable source for hydration for around a hundred years. Prior to that drinking water was a crap shoot. Remember, rivers are nature’s restrooms. Benjamin Franklin once wrote, “In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.”
In the early days of America, industry was haphazard. The corporations and conglomerates that dominate our economy now did not exist then. That included large breweries. As a result most townships and many homes had their own brew houses. Washington’s Virginia homestead, Mount Vernon, had its own brew house and Washington had his own signature recipe:
“To Make Small Beer: Take a large Siffer [Sifter] full of Bran Hops to your Taste. — Boil these 3 hours then strain out 30 Gall[ons] into a cooler put in 3 Gall[ons] Molasses while the Beer is Scalding hot or rather draw the Molasses into the cooler & St[r]ain the Beer on it while boiling Hot. let this stand till it is little more than Blood warm then put in a quart of Yea[s]t if the Weather is very Cold cover it over with a Blank[et] & let it Work in the Cooler 24 hours then put it into the Cask — leave the bung open till it is almost don[e] Working — Bottle it that day Week it was Brewed.”
Thomas Jefferson (3rd President) loved his ale and his wife, Martha, brewed beer at Monticello. Jefferson once opined, “Beer, if drank with moderation, softens the tempter, cheers the spirit, and promotes good health.” Likewise his predecessor in the White House, John Adams, also considered his favorite drink to be Abigail Adams’ home brewed ales and ciders. Adams was a sharp cookie having begun studying at Harvard at the age of fifteen where his daily breakfast was said to be nothing more than bread and beer.
James Madison (4th President) was so enamored by beer that he actually proposed the establishment of a national brewery and the appointment of a new cabinet member, the Secretary of Beer. You can’t make that kind of stuff up. But the party ended with James Monroe (5th President) who was puritanical in his notions towards alcohol, a major bone of contention 
between the President and his youngest son. Willie Monroe was known at Oberlin College for his epic drinking escapades.
Throughout the years other Presidents have had their own stories regarding beer. Abraham Lincoln (16th President) once said, “I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.” Upon the repeal of Prohibition, Franklin D. Roosevelt (32nd President) was quoted saying, “I think this would be a good time for a beer.”
Ulysses S. Grant (18th President), a legendary drunk, once lived in St. Louis, Missouri at a place now known as Grant’s Cabin. Grant’s Cabin was purchased by August A. Busch of the Anheuser-Busch Brewing Company and today is a popular tourist destination annually hosting some 24 million guests who come to see life as it used to be, drink free beer samples and have their 
pictures taken with the world famous Budweiser Clydesdales. No discussion of Presidents and beer would be complete without mentioning the acrid brew marketed by the bungling brother of Jimmy Carter (39th President) known aptly as Billy Beer. And who can forget President Obama’s embarrassing “beer summit?”
So what has become of those old beer recipes our founding fathers used to forge this mighty nation? Thankfully Yards Brewery in Philadelphia has started a line of premium craft brews they call Ales of Revolution which feature the original recipes enjoyed during the founding of our nation including George Washington’s Tavern Porter, Poor Richard’s Tavern Spruce Ale and Thomas Jefferson’s Tavern Ale.
Additionally Starr Hill Brewery has recently announced the launch of Monticello Reserve Ale, the official beer of Monticello. They have planned a free tasting for the launch this Presidents’ Day, Monday, February 21, 12 p.m.- 3 p.m. The tasting will be held at the Thomas Jefferson Visitor Center Museum Shop. The ceremony will feature the tapping of the very first keg followed by free tastings.
So if we celebrate New Year’s with champagne why not slam a pint for President’s Day? It’s like patriotic or something. I know I will be spending part of this three day weekend attending the Top of the Hops Craft Brew Festival in Biloxi, MS and I encourage you to do your civic duty by responsibly enjoying a cold one as well.
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy” Benjamin Franklin.
Taco Bell Recalls GMO Taco Shell
For the first time since untested genetically modified foods first invaded our food system back during the 1970’s a GMO product is being recalled. Kraft Foods Inc. is recalling Taco Bell Home Originals brand taco shells from US supermarkets specifically because of its GMO content.
President Jimmy Carter was the first to compromise the nation’s health in exchange for a truckload of the money that Big Ag companies like Monsanto throw around. When Monsanto first approached the FDA about it’s Round-up resistant corn the FDA correctly 
determined that a good 20 years of research was necessary before allowing it into the nation’s food system.
After a few calls to the White House it was “agreed” that testing wasn’t so necessary after all. The result has been a meteoric rise in diabetes, obesity and pancreatic cancer. Nice job, President Carter.
The problem with the Taco Bell shells is that they contain a strain of GM corn that has not been approved by the FDA. Now on the surface one would have to think that if the FDA hasn’t approved this GMO corn then it must be really bad especially since history has proven the FDA and USDA will approve just about anything for the right amount of money. Take high fructose corn syrup for example.
The discrepancy in the taco shells was discovered by the Friends of the Earth (FOE) which proves the adage even a blind dog finds a bone now and then. They stumbled on a report from an independent lab which indicated an unapproved GMO called StarLink manufactured by Big Ag company Aventis was used even though the FDA has not approved it for human consumption because it is not heat-stable, is resistant to stomach acids and enzymes and potentially causes severe allergic reactions.
FOE is one of those stereotypical environmental groups that care about tax free donations far more than they care about actually protecting the environment. You can tell this because they still haven’t removed their Global Warming section from their site proving their disconnect from reality. Admittedly the link for Global Warming is a bit hard to find because of the deluge of buttons begging for donations. But kudos to FOE for happening upon this issue.
With the exception of FOE, the entire world knows the Global Warming Hoax was exposed in 2009 when tens of thousands of e-mails from the Climate Research Unit at England’s University of East Anglia were leaked. The correspondences revealed that the leading climate scientists have been purposefully fabricating, suppressing and misstating scientific data to perpetuate the Climate Change myth. Since then Global Warming has been completely debunked and the scientists that colluded on it have admitted to their part in the worst scientific scandal of our generation.
I think it is important to point out that these are not necessarily the same shells that Taco Bell sells at their fast food stores but rather the ones Kraft markets for home use under the Taco Bell name. Now the repercussions of the Taco Bell GMO corn recall could prove good for America as a whole since it will continue to flame the fire of discontent most people feel about these dangerous frankenfoods. We don’t need to ban them, per se, but foods that contain them should be labeled so that people can make an informed decision. But the Big Ag groups and their lap dogs in the Obama administration, the FDA and USDA have fought labeling GMO’s which begs the question, “What are they trying to hide?”
